Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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