My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she told me i tasted like america
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
