It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
