a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
