i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
