I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
