The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
they're like a gay fantastic four
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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