I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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