Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
