the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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