I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
