I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My liver just had a heart attack.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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