so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
