I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
