I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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