and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
