gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we're making bets on your personal life
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
