too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
