The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
