I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
