I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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