So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
