bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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