For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
