I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
