I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
