I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
a search helicopter?!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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