oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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