So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
