Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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