come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
