I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
