I wanna bring you to show and tell
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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