I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
