Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
