so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
