matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
