lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
