ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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