She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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