He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
