Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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