I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
