I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
