If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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