my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
