i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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