I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
