1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
