in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
soo... how was my night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
