Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
