why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
